A dissection of my very being

I know it may seem like the egotistical thing to do, but I got the urge to convey onto you, and whoever else it my concern as to who I am and why I feel I am that person. Best part about it all is if anyone should take offense to any of this, I'd hope its me and only me. Unless by some sheer dumb luck (which I wouldn't sell myself short of) these words describe to a T the persona of someone else, who may or may not enjoy the bluntness I have of myself.

Where to start? Well I suppose this is a creative writing blog, and well, I'm a creative writing major, it's what I do best out of the few things I figure I can do well, and being brutally honest is riding right behind. I can never pinpoint what inspired me to write, but my best idea is the fact that I can get my words out, without actually speaking them. I seldom speak aloud to people I'm not fully comfortable with, and confronting someone new in the efforts of wanting to become friendly is about as rare as an uncooked steak. Not to classify myself as a closed book, because to some people I'm in essence an open book with a limitless amount of pages all flipping at once, quite frankly, I never shut up and only about one-third of what I say holds any relevancy to anything. That being said I don't keep the door shut, barring outsiders away from who I am, but I sure as hell won't walk out and open that door for you. I just like to keep it unlocked and let you do the legwork. Selfish you might think, but then you have to realize it's more about comfort zone, and when it comes to breaking that comfort zone, I'll gladly keep my feet on the ground, thank you very much.

It's been said millions of times by millions of people "I lead a very dull life" and for them, sure it's probably true, or maybe their being just humble. I'm about 20 miles short of humble, I just won't let you know that unless I think it's needed to be said. What do I do all day that makes me dull? Glad you asked! During the school year I wake up, I shower, shave and walk to class. Maybe I'll get some homework done in between classes, or walk home for a quick lunch, but its not like I have a tendency to make plans for something exciting. When I get home from class, I'll make a snack or just a plain glass of water and sit down at my computer. Yes, I'm aware 99% of Americans do the same, but Facebook aside I spend my time with the limitless and near pointless satisfaction of video games, while one could dive into the difference of video and computer games, I hardly care enough on that subject to begin explaining that sometimes I'm playing a video game and the other times a computer game, it's all the same to me. So in essence I spend my time slaying the theoretical, pixelated dragons that have somehow managed to consume my life (although I suppose they did so through the use of exploiting my somewhat anti-social tendencies, go figure). No, I don't wish dragons were real, ever, and no, I don't want to be that knight in shining armor, because quite frankly I have the courage of our dear cowardly lion from "Alice in Wonderland" except I'm not about to find my courage anywhere.

I wouldn't exactly classify this as self-loathing, for I don't hate what I have become at all, I want to make that clear. I guess you could say that I've just accepted what life has thrown at me and I have managed to make it some sort of working collaboration of self. I could make more general un-fun and uncreative cliches about who I am, I mean I'm pretty sure I wear my heart on my sleeve, but then again who doesn't, really? I'm beginning to think that this is more of a piece written for me than about me, as it brings upon that self realization, and if I can't realize and embrace who I am, than what does one do? The dullness of my life I suppose is an interpretation of how I see what I do, but you know what? I wouldn't trade who I am for all the "joy" and "happiness" that I'm theoretically missing out on, for lets just face it, I'm quite content with who I am.

I could have been imaginative and write a poem that compacted all of who I am into a rhyme scheme that could be misread and give off the wrong tone, or hell, even a story, but I'll be honest, I hate dialogue, I hate writing it and I hate reading it, so if you ever see me use dialogue excessively, or correctly at that matter, you might as well bake a cake and celebrate because I doubt it'll happen often. About reading dialogue, I just don't read in general, call me crazy but I feel that if I spend my time reading and studying the works of others than I feel my own writing loses every sense of self I put into it, and using devices that others use kills the originality for me, not saying I'll never end up using similar devices as someone, but at least I can know in my mind that is was by random chance that it's there.

I suppose I'll end this wall of text, because instead of making my after school snack, I sat down to write this, and well my desire for food has finally outweighed my desire to add more to this already wall of text. Enjoy the insight, take it for what it's worth.